Growing EI: Using Pit and Peak

The Power of Emotional Intelligence: How Talking Through Emotions Helps Children Thrive

Emotional intelligence is one of the most valuable skills a child can develop, shaping their ability to navigate relationships, manage stress, and build resilience. As parents, fostering emotional intelligence starts with open conversations about feelings. One simple yet powerful way to do this is by using the "Pit and Peak" technique—where each family member shares one worry (the pit) and one highlight (the peak) of their day. This daily habit not only strengthens the parent-child bond but also helps children process emotions in a safe and supportive environment.

Why Emotional Intelligence Matters

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage emotions in oneself and others. Studies show that children with high emotional intelligence tend to:

• Develop stronger relationships

• Perform better academically

• Handle stress and adversity more effectively

• Exhibit higher levels of empathy and compassion

By regularly engaging in discussions about emotions, parents help their children build this crucial skill, setting them up for success in all areas of life.

The "Pit and Peak" Technique: A Simple Way to Connect

The "Pit and Peak" method is a structured yet effortless way to encourage emotional expression. The concept is simple:

• Pit – A difficult or upsetting moment from the day.

• Peak – A happy or positive moment from the day.

By making this a daily habit, parents create a safe space for children to openly express their worries and joys. This helps normalise emotional discussions, reinforcing that all feelings—both good and bad—are valid and worth acknowledging.

How Talking Through Emotions Benefits Children

1. Encourages Emotional Awareness
   When children are prompted to talk about their feelings, they begin to recognise and label their emotions, an essential step in emotional regulation.

2. Teaches Healthy Coping Strategies
   By discussing worries, parents can guide their children through problem-solving techniques and offer reassurance, showing them that challenges are manageable.

3. Builds Trust and Strengthens Relationships
   When parents listen attentively and validate their child’s emotions, children feel heard and understood. This strengthens the parent-child bond and encourages open communication in the future.

4. Promotes Emotional Resilience
   Discussing both positive and negative experiences helps children understand that emotions are temporary. They learn that even on tough days, there are still moments of joy to be found.

5. Reduces Anxiety and Stress
   Suppressing emotions can lead to stress and anxiety. Regularly talking about worries helps children release tension and feel supported.

Tips for Implementing the "Pit and Peak" Method

• Make it a Daily Ritual – Try incorporating it into dinner time or bedtime routines.

• Lead by Example – Share your own pit and peak to model emotional openness.

• Validate Feelings – Acknowledge your child’s emotions without judgment. Phrases like “That sounds really tough” or “I can see why that made you happy” help children feel understood.

• Encourage Problem-Solving – If a pit is particularly troubling, guide your child in thinking through solutions or ways to cope.

• Keep It Light and Supportive – Avoid pressuring your child to share. The goal is to create a comfortable and natural conversation.

Final Thoughts

Teaching children how to process emotions is a lifelong gift that will benefit them in every aspect of their lives. The "Pit and Peak" method is an easy yet impactful way to nurture emotional intelligence, allowing children to feel safe, secure, and heard. By prioritising these meaningful conversations, parents empower their children to navigate their emotions with confidence, resilience, and self-awareness. Start tonight—ask your child about their pit and peak of the day and watch as their emotional intelligence flourishes over time.

References

• Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books.

• Brackett, M. (2019). Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive. Celadon Books.

• Gottman, J., & Declaire, J. (1997). Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting. Simon & Schuster.

• Denham, S. A. (2007). Dealing with Feelings: How Children Learn to Cope with Emotions. Journal of Early Childhood Research, 5(3), 233-250.

• Shanker, S. (2016). Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life. Penguin Books.