The Power of Showing Up
The Power of Showing Up: How Presence Shapes Your Child’s World
Parenting is filled with challenges, joys, and moments that feel like they pass by in the blink of an eye. Amid the chaos of life, one of the most impactful things we can offer our children is our presence. Dr. Dan Siegel, in his groundbreaking work "The Power of Showing Up," reminds us that being there for our children isn’t about perfection. Instead, it’s about creating a foundation of security and love that lasts a lifetime.
What Does It Mean to Show Up?
Showing up means being emotionally available and attuned to your child’s needs. It’s about noticing their joys, struggles, and fears and responding with empathy and care. Dr. Siegel highlights four key pillars of presence that help children feel safe and secure:
Feeling Safe: Protecting your child from harm and providing a sense of security.
Feeling Seen: Truly noticing your child’s emotions, thoughts, and experiences without judgment.
Feeling Soothed: Offering comfort and reassurance when they are upset or scared.
Feeling Secure: Building trust so that your child knows they can rely on you, even when life gets hard.
These pillars create the foundation for a secure attachment, which research shows is crucial for a child’s emotional, social, and cognitive development. But how can we consistently show up for our children in a world that often feels overwhelming?
Being Present in a Busy World
The modern world is filled with distractions: endless to-do lists, work pressures, and the constant ping of notifications. It’s easy to feel like we’re failing if we can’t give our children our undivided attention 24/7. But showing up doesn’t mean you have to be perfect or always available. It’s about the quality of your presence when you’re there.
Here are some ways to cultivate presence in a busy world:
Create Rituals of Connection: Establish small, meaningful rituals that allow you to connect daily. This could be a bedtime story, a hug before school, or sharing a meal together. These moments of connection don’t have to be long; they just need to be intentional.
Put Down the Phone: Even a few minutes of uninterrupted time can make a difference. When you’re with your child, try putting your phone away and giving them your full attention. Let them know they matter more.
Practice Mindful Listening: When your child talks to you, listen with your whole self. Make eye contact, nod, and reflect back what they’re saying. This simple act shows them that their words and feelings are valued.
Acknowledge Your Own Emotions: Parenting is hard, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes. When you’re stressed or distracted, acknowledge it and take a moment to center yourself. Showing up for yourself helps you show up for your child.
Embrace Imperfection: You don’t have to get it right all the time. When you make a mistake, apologise and repair the connection. This teaches your child that relationships can withstand challenges and that it’s okay to be human.
Why Presence Matters
When we show up for our children, we send them a powerful message: "You matter. You are loved. You are not alone." This sense of security allows children to explore the world with confidence, knowing they have a safe base to return to.
Research shows that children who feel securely attached are more likely to develop resilience, emotional regulation, and healthy relationships. But the benefits aren’t just for your child; being present can also deepen your own sense of fulfilment as a parent.
Final Thoughts
In a world that glorifies busyness, choosing to slow down and show up for your child is a radical act of love. It’s not about grand gestures or perfect parenting. It’s about being there—in the small moments, the messy moments, and everything in between. Remember, your presence doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful. By showing up with empathy and intention, you’re giving your child one of the greatest gifts they’ll ever receive: the knowledge that they are seen, loved, and safe. So take a breath, let go of the guilt, and know that even in the busiest of days, your efforts to show up make a world of difference.
References
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2020). The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired. Ballantine Books.
Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
Schore, A. N. (2012). The Science of the Art of Psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.
Parenting Science. (n.d.). "The Importance of Secure Attachment." Retrieved from www.parentingscience.com
Mindful.org. (n.d.). "Mindful Parenting: How to Be Present with Your Kids." Retrieved from www.mindful.org